The First Day of School, Butt-Shaped Fruit and The Crazy Train

How's Harris liking it? I hear this question every single day. I love that people are interested/concerned about Harris and his opinion on all this crazy home school stuff. For those who know Harris, you know he has had opinions about things since he came in the world. We knew that he would have an opinion about this when we first decided to move forward. We also knew that to not ask his opinion would only be offensive to him. So we talked to him in detail about our options and what a home school day would look like, just in case he thought it meant staying in pajamas and watching Harry Potter all day. He had no less than one million questions, all of which were GOOD, VALID questions.

"Will we have field trips?"

"Can we read as long as I want?"

"Can we finally do multiplication tables?"

"Will I still see my friends?"

"Will I get to have recess?"

On and on and on the questions went. Eliot and I answered them for as long as he would ask them, because his heart mattered more than anything else. After he had his curiosities satisfied, he concluded with, 

"I can't wait to home school. I won't get in trouble for talking anymore!"

That's it. That was his conclusion. I guess I was expecting the sky to open up and angels to start singing, but nope. He had just figured out that since he's the only student, what he has to say will be able to flow freely. Again, for those who know Harris, this shouldn't come as a surprise. Big kid, Big ideas, Big stories to tell. 

So along came Day One. We kicked off our home school day with hot chocolate from Starbucks. That was about the only major thing I had planned. I had some idea of what I wanted to accomplish that day, but really my main goal was for my boy to be able to talk my ears off, drink his hot chocolate and to end the day with a smile on his face. Because my plans had been so loose, we spent a lot of time staring at each other awkwardly that morning. If I could've read his thoughts it would've sounded a lot like "Good grief. This woman has no idea what she's doing and Daddy has let her pull me out of school. This is going to be a disaster!" Thankfully though, because Harris has one of the kindest hearts you'll ever find in a kid, he didn't say what was undoubtedly running through his mind. His grandest statement of the morning was, 

"There isn't a schedule on the wall. You need to hang a schedule on the wall."

Cue me trying to explain to my Little Einstein that we home school now. We don't have to stick to a written schedule on the wall. We make our own schedule. Cue him looking at me with doubt in his eyes while I stare at him with a huge, goofy grin on my face. 

Aaaaaand, that's kind of how the morning went. 

Then he asked, "Can I read on the couch instead of at the table?" Sure you can, kid! That's all it took. He thought that was just the coolest thing, to be able to pile up on the couch and read his school book instead of sitting at the table in a more formal fashion. He read the first chapter of Little House in the Big Woods and that began great conversation. More on that conversation in another post... 

It was while he was laying on the couch, happy that he was able to do something so simple, that I realized my goal to have him talk and drink hot cocoa and have a smile on his face had been accomplished. For the first time in a long time I was able to be a student of my child and really get an idea of what he needed. My plans had been fluid that morning which allowed for us to just be together. There was no agenda, no to-do list, nowhere to be except right where we were. On the couch, reading Little House in the Big Woods. 

How long had it been since I had slowed down that much? How long since I had studied my child and WATCHED him read? I'm ashamed to admit that it had been entirely too long. Three kids and a husband who travels doesn't exactly lend itself to peaceful days around here. But now, the ball is back in my court. I get to step on the brakes and step off the *Crazy Train. This is why we made this choice. I'm redeeming the time I have with my kids. There are so many things screaming for my attention out there and so little time to meet all the demands. There's only so much of me to go around so I had to decide what the top priority is. Is it the noise of the world? Or is it my family? Enough of all the outside noise. Back to the basics around here. 

And sometimes the basics involve Harris finding a strawberry that looks like a butt and us both laughing incredibly too hard about it. Maybe we were just anxious, maybe our nerves took over, maybe I'm as immature as my 8 year old, or MAYBE just maybe, a butt-shaped strawberry really is funny and I've just been too busy to notice until now!

Our first day was a success. We did it. One day down!

 *This is where I offer a word of encouragement about the Crazy Train. If I could offer any word of advice, it would be this: Moms, please reevaluate your time and priorities. You don't have to start home schooling to do this. Heck, you don't even have to be a stay at home mom! Simply look around your world and decide what's taking your mental energy that doesn't offer eternal value and in turn, true joy. Those things must go. They serve no other purpose than to distract you from more important things. I don't know what your days look like, but I'd be willing to guess that most of you are being asked to do a MILLION THINGS every week. Some of those things are good things, but they are a drain on your emotional and mental well-being. Lay those things down, Mamas. Practice saying "NO, I cannot do that right now, but thank you for thinking of me." Lay them down. "I won't be able to commit to that at this time, but I'll consider it in the future." Lay them down. If your family is dependent on your salary, don't lay that down. Please. Just look at the extra stuff- the volunteer work, the hard-to-cook Pinterest dinners, social media, etc. Lay those down. Find some mental rest and giggle at butt-shaped fruit. The way I see it is that God made butts AND fruit so I'm sure He wouldn't mind you giggling. He probably giggled a little too.*

The Murrays are Doing WHAT?

I've been called to some crazy things over the years, but God dialed something in this time that seems insane. Certifiable even. I tried to ignore the call for a long time. Sent to voicemail, said I'd call back later, straight up declined the call. He kept calling though. Time and time again. So here we are....

HOMESCHOOLING. That can't be right. Why would anyone choose to do that? How did we end up here? Wasn't the plan always for me to return to work? The kids would go through school like we did when we were kids and life would be normal. In all of our planning and calculating and budgeting and forecasting, we forgot one huge factor: God's specific call for our family. 

God planted this seed in my heart years ago, when I was pregnant with Harris. For the folks at home wondering how long it takes for a seed to take root in Ashley's heart and grow, that was 9 years ago. For 9 years this idea of homeschooling has bobbed in and out of conversations in our home. We always ended the conversation with the same conclusion: "we will stay in public school as long as it works for our family." Well, here we are 9 years later and it just stopped working for our family. I prayed. I prayed hard for the desire to go away or for Eliot to say "absolutely not" but neither of those things happened. In fact, we both arrived at the same conclusion, at the same time: it was time to step out in faith and become a homeschooling family. 

We made the decision to act now with Harris and let him finish his 2nd grade school year at home. This wasn't because we disliked his teacher or because something severe happened. He was excelling both academically and socially, but I just knew that the time for him had to be now. I felt this urgency in my heart and Eliot agreed that there was no benefit to waiting. I started my research on curriculum and talked to as many friends as I could about their home schooling plans. I attended a Home School 101 at a local church to hear moms and teens share their thoughts on home schooling.  I ordered a full 2nd grade curriculum and shared the plans with Harris. I cleaned out the toy room and with help from Eliot and my step-dad, moved a book shelf in there to hold our books and supplies.We slowly began telling our friends and family. We told the teachers and staff at the school and tried our best to explain that what had been on our hearts for so long was so much more than any petty complaints that we may have with school. This was our calling and I was no longer willing to ignore it or try to justify it to anyone. People were supportive and encouraging, which made it all that much easier. I was so grateful for that. 

I've decided to answer questions along the way and to hopefully encourage others to step out in faith in areas that seem scary so I dusted off the old blog! I haven't written on this blog since Chandler was 6 months old. Woah. I'll save the reflections on THAT for another time. Back to home school...

Friends have been curious about our big move so to answer the questions that I've been asked by so many over the last few weeks, here's a little Q&A:

"Was the school you are zoned for a bad school?"

Nope. Not even close. Our school is a Blue Ribbon school. It's one of the top elementary schools in the state of Georgia. We have some of the best teachers at our school. Our PTA is the stuff of legends. All staff, from Principal to Custodial Staff to Bus Drivers to Crossing Guards are the kindest, most loving group of people you could ever hope to have caring for your children. We say that our school is like a private school education at a public school cost. Eliot and I bought the house we live in specifically to be in this district so that Murray kiddos could attend this school. 

"Then why would you pull your kids from such a great school?"

All of the above being said, it is still a public school and with that comes public school woes. There are lots of little things like class sizes, testing, homework every night after they've been in school all day, limited recess time, etc. All of those things could be dealt with though if not for the biggest, most obvious reason for our family: the disconnect between home and school when it comes to our faith. We began looking at the time the kids are spending in an environment that doesn't allow Bible study, group prayer before meals and a Biblical worldview and just didn't feel good about it. Have there been blaring contradictions to our faith being shoved in our kids faces? No. In fact, all of our teachers so far have been Christians. However, I started feeling God calling me to redeem the time. There are HOURS and HOURS of my kids days that I HOPE the voices they're hearing are Spirit filled, but I have no idea. They're exhausted after school and the last thing they can handle then is sitting at Mommy and Daddy's feet to glean some wisdom from the Bible for their day. We always thought we'd be able to contradict the world's voice in our kids' lives, but we never planned for how little time we'd have to do it. So, I took back time with my kids. They're my kids. I get to determine what they do with their time right now. The end. 

"Were you a teacher before having kids?"

Nope. I taught preschool at our church for two years but my degree isn't in education. I was a social worker before the kids turned me into a Mommy. I worked with pregnant women on Medicaid and loved it. It was a beautiful, wonderful job, but it didn't prepare me to educate my children full-time! Thankfully the resources out there for homeschooling parents are endless. I have found some very user-friendly curriculum.

"Why have you only pulled Harris? Will Chandler stay at school?"

There have been SO MANY questions since we made our decision. I think the easy assumption is that there was a scandal and that something bad must've happened for us to pull Harris mid year. There wasn't. We made the choice to pull Harris because I saw a change in him. He was exhausted, moody and emotional. He was crying over the time spent on homework and stressed over test performance. He cried because he made a 95 and not a 100.  I saw our relationship in a fragile state and no time to repair or strengthen it. He is incredibly smart and needed to take some ownership and leadership with his education. 

Chandler is exhausted and moody and emotional and ALL THE THINGS, too. However, she doesn't  have excessive homework and tests every week. First grade allows for lots of playtime and singing and dancing- all of which make Chandler's world go round. Chandler's teacher this year is her favorite person on the planet and I think if I took her from that, she'd never forgive me. 

Selfishly, it's also easier to ease into this with one kid and not two. A big benefit to only having Harris until August is this gives us the opportunity to work our way into this home school journey. We can figure out what works and what doesn't before adding another "student" to the mix! So for those reasons, Chandler will finish out her first grade year in her classroom and join us in the fall. 

"Is Chandler jealous of Harris being home with you?"

The short answer to this is yes. When faced with the choice though, she chooses her teacher and her friends in her class this year every time. In addition to her love for her teacher, she also has some of her very best friends in her class. She's happy as a lark. So as much as she may feel jealous that her brothers have Mommy all day, she wouldn't dare choose to give up her classroom situation this year.  She is super excited about what next year holds for her. She talks about our field trips and which books we might read! Doing the right thing for your children doesn't always mean doing the same thing for all of your children. Fair doesn't mean same.

"What does Dean do while you're doing schoolwork with Harris?"

He's 2 years old so he does WHATEVER THE HECK HE WANTS. Kidding...kind of. He goes to preschool two mornings a week, my mom's house one morning a week and "helps" Harris and me the other two mornings. (translation: totally distracts us from work because we're laughing at him so we wait and do serious work while he's napping. It's working for now. We'll adjust when the need arises.

"Are you doing a hybrid program or are you on your own with this?"

This year I'm "alone" since I'm not in a co-op or hybrid, but I have some dear friends who are holding my hand on this journey. I have a full curriculum by Memoria Press that is just lovely. Next year, we will join our local Classical Conversations co-op, but still use some pieces of Memoria Press. The beauty of home school is that I can pick and choose exactly what my kids need/want.

"How long will you do this?"

I have absolutely no idea. It's a year by year decision and that's about the only thing I'm sure of. I know that while I am 100% in right now, I won't always be so sure of my decision. Years ago my mom told me that once you become a parent you will always second guess yourself and the decisions you make for your kids. I'm okay with not being sure of myself, I have a big God that I never, ever second guess. He's in charge here, not me. 

"How are you liking it so far?"

We are three weeks in and I can honestly say at this point that I love it so much. I love the time I have with my Harris. We've already had so much fun and will hopefully build on those memories. Of course, our little school won't be complete until my Chandler is home with us too. I'm sure I won't always be so positive about my new gig ha! Stay tuned for more posts on our adventures!

That answers the most asked questions I've gotten so far, but if you have read this far and have more questions, please ask! I am an open book, always! 

I appreciate your prayers for our family during this transition and wild ride we now find ourselves on!

More Lessons From Mommy Land

Learning to discipline your child is the most difficult thing sometimes. I'm not really dealing with the "Terrible Twos" because let's be honest for a minute, Harris has had his tantrums since Day 1! Now, I love my baby boy and I've grown accustomed to his "passion" and his "being spirited". Most days I can handle the drama with ease but for some reason Monday...my oh my Monday...

You ever have one of those days where you're convinced that your child has been possessed? That was my world Monday starting around 10 am. Chandler was sick so we were gearing up for a doctor's visit. I was trying to keep everyone situated while I got us all ready and prepared lunches for the masses. It was like a switch when off. Harris began running laps around the house. At the end of a lap he would turn circles and just yell. He then began backing up to the banister and taking a run and go, sliding into his sister (who was laying on the floor) as though she was home plate. She was laughing which of course, encouraged him to keep going. Now, don't misunderstand, I LOVE for my kids to play together, but I was so afraid his little size 8's were going to smash her head in any minute. I said no a couple of times then I had to take other measures. Spanking #1.

We got home from the doctor's office later in the afternoon and the walls really broke down. Harris spent the better part of the afternoon doing one of three things: 

1. Yelling

2. Screaming

3. Waking the dead with his blood curling howls of dislike of one thing or another. Spanking #2

He also dumped all of the dog's food into her water, colored on the t.v., used the stand up dustpan as a weapon against all things female (Mommy, Sissy and Emmie), threw a ball at Sissy's head (did I mention it was a baseball?) and other various crimes I'll not list. Spankings #s 3, 4 and 5. Let's all keep in mind that I'm also nursing a 6 month old with double ear infections back to health through all of this and Eliot didn't get home until 6:45. I was nearly in tears by the time the kids were ready for bed. 

I got Chandler ready and Eliot took Harris. I was rocking Chandler, enjoying her silence and praying. I was asking God to help me with Harris. Help me survive these long days with more grace. Help me to show him mercy and teach him Godly discipline. Help me to love him unconditionally on those days. Basically, I guess I was praying to love and discipline my child the way God loves and disciplines me. It occurred to me in that moment how God must feel when I'm disobedient. When I deliberately do the opposite of what He's asked me to. When I symbolically throw a fit because I have to do what He wants instead of what my human nature desires. When I hurt myself and others through words or actions. I feel certain that God feels a little of what I, as a mother, feel when Harris does the same. 

Lord, thank you for loving me through my disobedience. Thank you for the discipline that you give because I know it's for my own good. Lord, help me to have your mind and heart while dealing out disciplinary actions. Lord, please grant me patience and wisdom to cope on the hard days the way you are patient with me. Please Father, through all things, allow my love toward my children to never waver. Help me to give Godly discipline and not discipline out of selfish motives. Please help me to remember that discipline is love. YOU love me enough to deal it out so I must also love Harris and Chandler enough to do the same.

 Amen

Proverbs 19:18

Discipline your children, for in that there is hope; do not be a willing party to their death.

Hebrews 12:11

No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.

Considering My Field

Proverbs 31:16

"She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard."

Going to work outside the home is not really an option for me and my family at this time. We've considered the possibility for several reasons, but our answer from God is always the same, "not right now". Even though I can't bring in extra money I thought, "why not try to reevaluate where our money is going now and make sure we are getting the most bang for our buck?" Eliot isn't the only one who can work out new savings plans :)

I've started with groceries and honestly, it's as far as I've gotten. I hope to brainstorm in the coming weeks and work out more, but for now...We are a family of four and our grocery budget includes formula for one and diapers for two. Yikes. One can only imagine how that works out... So last week I sat down and made a list of the top ten things I buy every week. Milk, eggs, ground beef, snacks for Harris and bread were on that list along with a few other things. I then decided to go do some price comparisons. We've been going to Publix since we moved here because it's across the street and I honestly didn't know how to get to Wal-Mart. I chose to go to Publix, Wal-Mart and a store called Aldi. I loaded up my kids and my list and away we went.

I was BLOWN AWAY at how much I had been paying for things at Publix. Now before the Publix army attacks, please hear me out: I LOVE shopping at Publix, it is a pleasure. However, at this stage in life, budgets are more important than my kid getting coloring books and a sweet lady chasing us down with cookies.

Aldi outdid Publix AND Wal Mart on our items. Like, big time. Just by purchasing our "Top Ten Items" at Aldi instead of Publix, we will save $40/month. Just on those ten items. That's not including all the other stuff I buy.

Aldi is a discount grocery store so there are a few things they do to make their food cheap. All of their food is off-brand so if you're picky about name-brand stuff you're out of luck. They don't provide any bags and they only have a limited staff working. You have to insert a quarter to a machine to get your shopping cart, but you get it back when you return the cart. This prevents them from having to hire people to gather carts. Their basic goal is to have as little overhead as possible. I'm ok with going without a few things to save money!!

Now, my goal is not to promote a certain grocery store. I would just like to encourage anyone reading this to take some time to find the best deals for your family! I'm not a Coupon Queen, it's just not my thing. I can't find a job making more money, Harris and Chandler pay what they pay and that's not changing. I can only get creative with what I have. I can CONSIDER my own "field" before I buy it!

So where have you found the best deals? How do you save money on groceries? Share your ideas!!

Sunday Scribbles~Calling All Mommies!!!

It's August 5 and I now have an almost 6 month old and a 25 month old. I've spent the last 6 months adjusting to a new little person needing me non-stop and I have fallen into a routine of meeting every one's needs. I love being a stay at home Mommy to two little loves and a wife to my wonderful husband. I haven't felt this content and at peace in a long time. Do you know what kind of blessing it is to feel happy about life? I can't thank God enough for my beautiful world. 

Now that I've got the kiddos into my routine and I think I've got my man taken care of, I guess it's time for some "self-care". I consider this different from meaningless alone time (which don't get me wrong, that's awesome). I think self-care is more about specific needs. My needs right now are spiritual and physical so those are the things I've got to focus on. I owe it to my family to set the right example for health in all areas. I owe it to my kids to teach them the importance of exercise at a young age. I owe it to my hubby to not look like I'm still pregnant. I owe it to all of them to spend time in prayer and meditation on their behalf. I also owe it to MYSELF to take care of me. Being a mommy takes so much out of your bank that you have to make a deposit every once in a while :) 

Here's my plan:

Physical: I HATE exercise. For real y'all. Hate. However, after two babies, nursing and gravity taking over, something has to happen. Like it or not. I'm starting the Couch25K program. That's thirty minutes a day/three days a week. Tonight I waited until Chandler was in bed then I left. The app is great and was very helpful in keeping me on track. We shall see...

Spirtual: Before Chandler was born, we were on a perfect morning routine. Harris was pretty predictable with his waking time so I could get up an hour early to read and pray. Chandler is just now getting into a waking routine and it just so happens that it's around the time Harris gets up. That means that starting tomorrow morning, this Mommy will be up and at em around 5:30 for some time with God. 

So Mommies: What are YOUR needs and what do you do to meet those needs? I'd really like to hear! We have to get creative with little ones at home so if you have a creative idea for taking care of you physically, mentally, spiritually or otherwise, spill it! 

Cinderella Found Her Slippers!

It's official. It's started already.

Chandler loves shoes.

We were playing in the shoe store and my mom put some shoes on Sissy. She then took them off when it was time to go and Sissy started CRYING. Mom put the shoes back on her and no more crying. It probably goes without saying, but Mom bought her the shoes ;) Here's the pair of golden slippers Baby Girl HAD to have ;)

Sunday Scribbles~ Late Night Love

Chandler and I don't get a lot of alone time. It just isn't in the cards on most days. However, Baby Girl is teething right now so she hasn't been feeling very well. Eliot has been kind enough to move to the guest room so Chandler can sleep with me, making it easier to sooth her during the night. Last night it didn't phase me really, but tonight is different. I've just been laying here staring at her and realizing what an angel she is. She has finally dosed off after some major cuddle time with Mommy. This child owns my heart.

She's so incredibly sweet and as I get to know her little personality more I realize how much like her Daddy she is. She's gentle and quiet, loving and calm. She lowers my blood pressure I'm sure! She loves to lay beside me, hold my hands and stare at me until sleep takes over. She's so silly right now. The strangest things send her into fits of giggles and that is the sweetest sound to my ears. As I type this, she's giggling in her sleep...seriously. She's pure joy.

When I found out I was pregnant with her, I knew she was a girl. I knew it like I knew my name. The idea of a daughter at that time seemed foreign to me, but I figured if God gave me a daughter He had confidence in me to raise her. Even though I was sure she was a girl, I could have never been prepared for the love I feel for her. I pray that we're always close in that special way only a mother and daughter are. I also pray she reads this one day and knows that her Mommy has been head over heals in love with her since Day 1.

Chandler May~ You are too sweet for words!