"Being a mother and raising children has not come easy to me." What a confession.
I attend a weekly Bible study and have transferred my study to a church here in Peachtree Corners. I attended my first class here last Thursday and met some fantastic women to study with. We were in the midst of discussing our present sufferings as Christians as it is discussed in 1 Peter. This sweet girl said her suffering was being a mother. She said, "Being a mother and raising children has not come easy to me." After class I told her how much a appreciated her boldness to speak honestly. The truth was, however, I appreciated her saying out loud what I had been thinking.
There are days that I think "shouldn't I enjoy this more?" or "I'm not doing a good job with these kids, I should go back to work and put them in daycare." It is on those days that Satan gets a good grasp on my mind and the domino effect begins. I go from questioning my abilities as a mother to my abilities as a wife, friend, daughter, etc. I had that kind of day yesterday. The day started out fine I guess but something went terribly wrong after naptime. One child woke up on the WRONG side of his crib and the other probably would have also had she taken the opportunity to actually sleep. From 2:30 until 6:30 our house was filled with screaming, crying and pitching fits and I must admit...not all of that was the kids. Needless to say, by the time Eliot got home we were ALL thankful to get away from each other. Eliot put Harris to bed, Chandler finally decided to snooze in her swing and I went outside for some peaceful alone time. I thought, "this day has been a disaster" and I was right.
As I sat down to read my Bible this morning I stumbled upon this gem:
"Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour."
1 Peter 5:8
Devour. That is exactly what I allowed my enemy to do yesterday and many other days in the past. How could it be that I have allowed motherhood, the most precious earthly gift God can provide, to become Satan's tool? Of course he would use that! Something that God intends to be a blessing would be Satan's first target. And I allowed it. As I read the words "be self-controlled and ALERT" I felt God telling me, "Ashley, WAKE UP! Don't you see?" Oh how thankful I am for those moments when God tugs at my soul and awakens my mind to things unnoticed.
This morning the sweet words of Lamentations 3:22-23 ring in my soul:
"Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for HIS compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is YOUR faithfulness."
So today I will NOT allow Satan to control this house. I will show more love and patience with my children. I will show more compassion and mercy toward them. Afterall, God shows me new grace every morning...my children deserve the same from me!
