This Parent's Prayer

Dear Lord, Please make this child sleep.
Dear Lord, Please keep him healthy at daycare.
Dear God in Heaven, PLEASE make this child stop screaming at me.
Dear Lord, Please give me patience to deal with him today.
Dear God, WHY will he not eat well today.


Sound familiar? Yeah, me too. I think as parents of children, particularly toddlers (and I'm guessing teens), we find ourselves at breaking points. Daily. I have spent months and months praying these very things. I've bargained and begged with God to grant these requests and while we know the LORD loves persistent prayer, I think He finally came back and said "You're doing it all wrong." I have felt God telling me, in an ever so gentle way of course, that my prayers have been purely selfish and worldly. I mean, not that God doesn't care that I haven't had good rest or that I have contemplated pulling my hair out one strand at a time because I know that He cares about all things HOWEVER, my prayers have not been Kingdom building.


Anyone who has talked to me in the last few months knows I have recently read Bringing Up Boys by Dr. James Dobson (go buy it and read it NOW) and my heart has been so convicted. My parenting decisions should be based solely on ONE goal: Pointing Harris in the direction of GOD and his saving grace. Not only should my decision be based on that but also my prayers. I should be praying, 

Dear Lord, 

I pray that you would give Harris a heart to love you and desire your truths of love and grace. I pray that you would give him a heart to love others the way you do and give him a heart of service. I pray that you would let him be a shining light for your Word and that his actions would lead others to your Kingdom. Lord, I pray my child loves you and always craves your word. Lastly Lord, I pray that as the parent that you've entrusted this child to, you would enable me through your Holy Spirit to point Harris toward you. I pray that my actions always show Harris who you are and who you desire all of us to be. Lord, I know that without your Spirit I am helpless to do this so I pray that you grant me the gift that you have promised us all. I submit my own will to yours. 

Its in YOUR Son's name that I pray for MY son,

Amen

Open the Eyes of My Heart

When I was pregnant with Harris I had these grande ideas of what I would teach and show him. I couldn't wait to impart my vast knowledge and wisdom unto him. (didn't know I was so wise, huh?) Needless to say, I have learned over the last 15 months that the things I thought I knew were nothing compared to the things I have been taught since 6-23-10. I have had the most amazing teacher and while this educator has been less than patient with me, I'd say his methods have been effective. I suppose you're wondering who this crafty guide is. That would be Harris.

This little person who entered my world like a tornado has taught me so much about life, relationships and myself. It just occurred to me that I have grown so much in the last year but not in just the typical "I've matured" manner. I see things totally different now and I have to give credit where credit is due. I've always heard parenting changes who you are from the inside out ("out" meaning the lovely stretch marks I now wear with pride) and that couldn't be more true. I see the world as though the eyes of my heart have been opened.

Harris has taught me to slow down and literally smell the flowers. I find myself enjoying nature in a way I never have before and maybe that's because I've never had to use the things God has provided to entertain a toddler. Thank you GOD for flowers and water and trees and grass. Seriously, thank you. He has also taught me to slow down and see people. I've always been a people watcher but I've never really taken the time to talk to a waiter about how many bananas we go through a week or to a random stranger on the beach about the importance of interaction between children and teaching them to share. With Harris around, there is ALWAYS a conversation to be had. Just this morning, we shared a Prince dance party with a room full of people in the hotel restaurant at 7:00 am. These types of things just didn't happen before Harris. (I mean, have you seen this child dance?) I have also learned to be patient with people. Now, I'm still working hard on this one because I have a short fuse but I believe I've made leaps and bounds from where I was. Why? I don't want my child to learn its ok to complain over petty things to restaurant employees when they tell him they don't really have time to get him a cookie and then listen to her huff and puff while she prepares said cookie. It happened. To me. Panera on Eastern Blvd BUT that's neither here nor there.... I want him to learn patience with people. Mama's got a short fuse and he's teaching me how to reign it in.

This parenting thing is the most beautiful challenge God has ever put before me. It's so hard, but through my sweet Harris I'm learning so much about who I was and who I need to be. Of course, Harris isn't the teacher at all. God has placed him in my life as a tool to teach, train and guide me. I pray that I am, in turn, the tool in Harris' life doing the same for him.

Stand By Your Man!

I made a commitment to something several years ago. This commitment is one I've been great at at times and a total failure at others. I committed to simply respect my husband. This came about during a very rough time in our marriage. Eliot would say, "You don't respect me." I would say, "You aren't my dad." Turns out we had very different views on respect. I thought it meant "yessir/nosir" kind of stuff but he only meant trust, admiration and faith that he was doing the right thing. Looking back on those days makes me cringe. We were at a Bible study one afternoon with our Life Group at the time. We were asked to find a verse in the Bible that meant something to us and explain why. Everyone went around the room and recited their verse and it was lovely. Until it came to Eliot. His verse was Proverbs 27:15: "A quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping on a rainy day." Now, don't get me wrong, we all had a great laugh, including myself, but it struck something in me. Not anger or embarrassment or revenge but just downright sadness. As much as I knew Eliot was being just...well.. Eliot, I also knew it was true. I was a constant dripping on a rainy day.

I complained about time spent together or money or our living situation or what shows we watched or his time with his guitar or.... The list goes on and on. I'll be the first to admit I have only child syndrome even though I grew up with two older brothers in the house. I kind of had this "You jump when I say" mentality. Again, I cringe at the thought of those days. I decided to change my attitude and see the great things about this man I married and the blessings that God had placed in our lives. I began to see that Eliot being frugal was a way for us to have financial security and his "quiet time" or guitar time was a way for him to have a healthy level of sanity which in turn ensured the same for me. I started to see my husband for the amazing person he is. I read the book "Power of a Praying Wife"  and adopted the attitude of "shut up and pray". This opened up a new world in my prayer life along with a newfound respect for my man.  In short, I learned how to love him the way HE needed to be loved: through respect and admiration. The closer I looked the easier it became to find reasons to give him these two things. The domino effect that followed this turn of mind was astounding. The relationship that we developed was more than I could have ever imagined. For the first time since we were married I was able to look at our union the way God had intended: A picture of the relationship between Christ and His church. In short, God put this man in my life to protect me, guide me and love me so I should sit back and let that happen.

So WHY am I ranting about this now? WELL, I have found myself back to dripping. Having a baby and cutting one income out of our budget has brought out some not-so-great attitudes and I feel very convicted. You see, God didn't say "Wives submit to your husbands as to the Lord but only when it is easy and convenient for you." No. He said in Ephesians 5:22 "Wives submit to your husbands as to the Lord." The end. I'm challenging myself to get back to the wife God calls me to be and Eliot NEEDS me to be. My prayer is that God will mold me into the wife Eliot needs and not what my selfish nature or the world tells me I should be. I believe that a woman's calling to be a Godly wife is beautiful. I believe that God sees it as beautiful. I believe caring for my husband the way he needs is beautiful and I pray that I am able to do that. I am committing, yet again, to meet the challenge that God has set before me. 

~Proverbs 31:10-12~

A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.

WAKE UP!

Our state has been ravished this week. Our neighbors have been killed. Our children have been orphaned. Our fellow Alabamians have witnessed horrors that we couldn't begin to imagine. I have been speechless until today. I have been staring at the TV watching these nightmares unfold before me and I've done 
nothing until today. What have I been waiting on? I don't know. It has been so overwhelming...there's so much NEED. Where do you even start?


I may be the only one just waking up from my stupor but in the event I'm not, I wanted to encourage anyone reading this to wake up. Do something. Even if it's digging out an old blanket or a can of food. Take it to a drop off point to be delivered if you are unable to take it yourself. Give blood. Give $5. Call 211 to find out where you can volunteer. Take a bar of soap or a few diapers. Fall on your knees and pray to God for peace and mercy for these people.


Go HERE or HERE to find out what you can do. Go HERE to donate. Just please GO!

Pucker UP!

My sweet, precious angel of a child has been SO cuddly lately, I could just eat him up. Saturday we were at Mimi's Cafe with my mom and he did something so sweet I just had to share. He was sitting in his high chair and I was next to him. I leaned down, puckered up, and said "Harris you wanna give Mommy a kiss?" The child looked up at me, opened his mouth as wide as it would go and planted one on me! I could have melted into the concrete right then and there. The best part? He kept doing it! My mom grabbed the camera and started snapping. Oh my goodness.

There's more! Tonight as I was rocking him to sleep I was considering the possibility that he may one day decide he doesn't want to rock before bed. I was then thinking how ridiculous this was...afterall, OF COURSE he'll want me to rock and sing him to sleep when he's 16. Duh...  Anyway. I kid you not, just then my darling little boy stirred from his slumber, looked me dead in the eyes, smiled and planted another one of those sugary kisses right on my lips. I, of course, teared up and he just laid his little head back down on my shoulder. Now, I know all Mommies say this BUT Harris really is the sweetest. little. boy. ever. At least as far as I can see... ;) This Mommy is so in love.

My Hope

Easter is almost here! I'm so excited to spend this wonderful time of the year with family and friends. The significance of Easter becomes more and more important to me every year. I once totally overlooked the beauty and love that Easter brought to the world but over the last few years it has easily become my favorite holiday. As a new mom to a beautiful baby boy I am reminded even more the weight that this day holds. I look into my baby's eyes and wonder if I could love ANYONE enough to sacrifice my angel. I'll tell you right now..NOPE. As humans we can't begin to fathom that kind of love, selflessness and sacrifice. God loved us so much He gave Jesus up for us. We say those words all the time. We know the scriptures. Do we really see what that means?

There are times in my life when I obviously DO NOT see it. I have days where I think and act as though the world is coming to an end. I get tired and frustrated over mundane things. I feel lonely and isolated when Eliot is working all the time. I get my feelings hurt and I'm sure I hurt feelings, too. Those days can be awful. Terrible. 

But wow! I have something so wonderful, too marvelous for words. I have a God who loves me unconditionally. I have a Savior who gave Himself up for me. I have a love that no human can comprehend. I have it all. I have hope in a cross and a resurrection. Praise God! When I'm down or lonely or sad I have a reminder of the hope and love God brings. This world and the things in it are so temporary and so insignificant. Thank you, God, for the reminder this morning. 

Need Some Cheese With That Whine???

I need to whine. I'm so tired today. Not necessarily sleepy, just mentally and physically tired. It has been one of those days. You know the kind...you wake up and think it is going to be a great day and it is until the afternoon nap rolls around. When said nap ends the baby wakes up completely irate that I've somehow tricked him into sleep. He proceeds to punish me for the remainder of the afternoon by screaming and spitting green beans at me. This is after I attempt a shower in which he pulls the curtain back and cries so terribly I have to cut the shower short. Very short. I don't think I washed the conditioner out of my hair...Greasy hair anyone? I have eaten microwave eggs for lunch and dinner simply because taking time to cut up chicken and cook dinner was not in the stars. I. Am. Tired. 

All the while, my mind is racing. I'm not worried or anxious about anything I just can't seem to put everything in order. This morning during my 5 minute "quiet time" I began feeling guilty because I don't feel as though there is much scheduled time in my day for God. I feed Harris and myself. I change diapers and try to take showers. I let Emmie out and I let her back in. I play with baby toys and check Facebook on my cellphone. Where is my mission??? 

Then it hit me! THIS is my mission. This crazy day and all of the silliness that goes into it is my mission. A very wise friend, Hilary Gresham, told me when I was pregnant that raising Harris would be the most important mission in my life. I've remembered that and I think about it but I haven't really applied that to everyday. What does this mission look like? Pretty sure it isn't showing Harris my frustrations and huffing and puffing. I also feel confident it isn't whining to Eliot. No, I think my mission is something much better than those things. 

Colossians 3:23 says that I am to work at everything as though working for the Lord, not for men (or baby for these purposes) Would I have these negative attitudes with God? Nope. Definitely not! Would I complain that I didn't get enough down time to HIM? Prrrrobably not!! I have the privilege and honor of being the first person Harris sees God through. WOW. That is a huge mission and wonderful responsibility. It is my job to show Harris joy and love and patience and kindness and every other wonderful thing that we are given through the Holy Spirit. It is a challenge that I haven't really taken seriously. So tonight I will go to bed. I will recharge and rest. I will rinse conditioner out of my hair and brush my teeth. Tomorrow I will show up and face my ventures head on! 

~Colossians 3:17~

And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.

Safari Harris

We had yet ANOTHER illness this week. The suspicious "fever virus"  came for a visit on Friday morning and showed up with a 104.3 fever! Poor little Harris was lifeless. After three hours at the doctor's office, blood work, strep test, urinalysis and more screaming than my baby could handle, Dr. Brannan came in to report it was just a virus with a fever and we would just have to wait it out with lots of Motrin, Tylenol and cuddling. Because of it being viral though, we were told he was highly contagious and he didn't need to be around his buddies until he was fever-free for 24 hours. All of that equates to quarantined baby, Mommy and Daddy which usually leads to stir-crazy baby, Mommy and Daddy. I'm happy to report he has not had fever since 3:00 this morning and he seems to be on the mend. To celebrate and regain sanity for little Harris we decided to treat him to a few hours at the ZOO! This was his first trip to the zoo and although he couldn't appreciate the majority of it he was greatly amused by a few critters!

The Toucan was really cool because it made noise!

Who doesn't like Flamingos??

These giraffes were just amazing to Harris.

Who needs a stroller when you've got Daddy's shoulders?

We went on a train ride which he LOVED, of course!

Harris was pretty interested in the horses

Now, above ALL of the animals he saw and the awesome train he got to ride he was MOST interested in.....THE BUCKET SWING! Doesn't get much better than this...

Aaaaaaand I'm pooped.

I hope everyone has a great week!!!

Who made the flowers? God did! God did!

I have always loved spring! What's not to love? Flowers, green everywhere, Easter, the first hint of warm weather and baseball! Its just beautiful. This spring has been so different though. Seeing all of this beauty through Harris' eyes has been such a blessing! He is so amazed by flowers and sunshine. I get to see his eyes light up at the sight of any and everything and it just makes my heart smile. I guess we can take God's beauty for granted when we see it all the time and honestly, it becomes mundane. Having a front-row seat to Harris seeing it all for the first time reminds me of how awe-inspiring God's creation really is. I've also been challenged to slow down and really drink it all in. We sing songs like "Who Made the Flowers" and at the end I always say, "Thank you God for the flowers" which usually gets a smile out of little man but until recently I don't think I've actually told God, "Thank you for your beauty!" There really isn't anything like seeing the world through a child's eyes.

Watching Daddy plant flowers

"That isn't quite like my bathwater.."

Mr. Gordon introduces Harris to the livestock!

Nothing better than bubbles

Checking up on the tree Daddy purchased

Even Emmie is becoming more and more interesting!!

I had to do it. Sorry Harris.

Happy Spring!!

"God saw all that he had made, and it was very good."

~Genesis 1:31~

My Time or Hers?

It was 8:30 Friday morning and there I was. BACK at Partners in Pediactrics. The last time we were in that office was last week and that FIVE hour trip to the doctor ended with my baby in Baptist East hospital and our car in the shop after it had to be towed from the parking lot due to a bum battery. I was SUPER pumped about coming back (not so much). Harris and I were there for a 9 month check up this time; not ear infections or wheezing or yellow snot or any of the other repeat offenders we're used to. I walk to the desk, sign Harris in and make my way to the "Well" side. I quickly tried to find a seat that would give us the best view of Disney TV only to discover they had replaced Handy Manny and Mickey with some Dinosaur show on PBS or something. Not good. It was 8:30...AKA nap time AKA melt-down initiation. OK, fine. We settled in with some puffs and as many toys as I could drag out of my diaper bag-turned-magical Mary Poppins-bag. I thought, "It's 8:30! How long should we have to wait?" Famous last words...

Fast forward to 9:30. Still there, still listening to Dinosaurs and still no "Harris Murray for Dr. Brannan!" By this time, the other mamas in the waiting room were beginning to huff and puff. I hear the typical "good grief, how long does it take?" and "I don't think Dr. Brannan is even here!" Just as I began to feel some frustration myself I heard the call for Harris to come on back. I turned the corner only to discover it wasn't our sweet nurse we're used to but Dr. Brannan, herself. Strange but whatever, we were back. Dr. Brannan sent us to a room and told me our nurse would be there shortly. 

Now, you know how you have those moments when you KNOW that the Lord has you in a situation for a reason? You have those times when the Lord uses you to speak wisdom and love to someone. Well, Friday morning was my time. 

My nurse came in immediately apologizing for having us wait for so long. I felt this overwhelming urge to tell her it did not matter in the least to me that we waited and that Harris and I were having a good time watching Dinosaurs (not entirely true since we prefer Mickey but hey...) She continued to apologize explaining that the schedule was confused and she had called back the wrong patient and that she had been working in this field for 20+ years and took great pride in her work and..... I said, "I promise, its ok!" By this time I'm thinking "Gotcha. You're sorry. Now, can we please move on so I can get my 9 month old out of this office.." Just then I looked up at her and saw BIG tears rolling down her cheeks. I quickly asked her what was wrong and she proceeded to tell me:

Her 29 year old daughter had died 9 months ago from health problems related to her diabetes. When she passed away, her 10 year old son was left with his grandmother AKA our nurse. She was exhausted mentally and physically she explained. In that moment, I felt the weight of the world that poor woman was carrying. She was trying to stay positive for her grandson and make life somewhat normal but all the while mourning the loss of her daughter. Her baby, her child. I can't imagine.

We talked for a long time after that and Harris was content to eat puffs and listen. We talked about the goodness of God and how He delivers you in times of distress and trouble. We talked about when you hit a brick wall all you can do is pray and ask the Lord for peace and understanding. Now, when I say "we" I mean "she". You see, SHE was the one explaining all of these things to ME. She was the one enduring one of the hardest things any mother could possibly go through and she was the one ministering to me. Talk about putting things into perspective...she was a basket case and could still muster the strength to praise God. I have petty things happen everyday that I claim hinder my time with God and here she was praising Him in the biggest storm there is. 

Yes, He had me there for a reason...to listen to her and be there but it was HER time to speak wisdom and love.  I'm not sure who was blessed more by that conversation...

Prayer and Petition

Confession time: 

While I was pregnant I was terrified about what would happen to my marriage after Harris was born. I had heard of so many marriages becoming troubled, spouses forgetting one another or the union simply splitting all together. Eliot was my best friend and the most wonderful man I had ever been around. We had been blessed with a wonderful relationship up to that point and the thought of that ending simply scared me to death. I began thinking of all the stress that would come with a baby and the lack of time we would have together. I know, I know...should have considered those things ahead of time. Too late though and there I was. Left with my fears and anxieties. Now, I know the Lord tells us not to be afraid and to give Him our worries but convincing a pregnant, hormonal basket case of those things was going to take some persuasion. 


Well, what do you do when you feel you have nowhere else to turn? Fall on your knees and pray that God will take care of you. You pray that He will protect you, your marriage and your whole family.  So I got busy! I prayed lots of prayers while I was waiting on little Harris but the one I prayed almost daily was that God would make me enough woman to be wife to Eliot and mommy to Harris and neither would ever feel neglected. I prayed that He would enable me to meet both of their needs and I would have the strength do those things with joy. I also prayed that God would strengthen our marriage and make it a blessing not only to us but to Harris and others, as well. 


What came after Harris was born was mind-blowing. It shouldn't have been since I know God's mercy and grace. I know Romans 8:28 and remind myself of it daily. Nevertheless, the Lord never ceases to amaze me. 


Not only did our marriage withstand the first few months but I have found myself feeling closer to Eliot now more than ever. We have discovered  new meanings of words like "partnership", "submission" and "teamwork". We have learned to be selfless with one another and to show one another grace when we are less than lovable. I have also learned new meanings of the word "love". There is nothing like seeing your husband become a father...and doing it SO well. I have learned new meanings of the word "respect" through watching Eliot not only be husband and father to us but also a full-time employee and a student in a MBA program. He has so much on his plate but never complains. Never. That encourages me to press on and be strong when I'm having a bad day. I have never been more in love with him. 




I wouldn't dare give either of us the credit though...not for one second. I know the old Ash and Eliot and they would have a completely different view on life. It is truly astonishing what God CAN and WILL do in your life if you just ASK. He can turn a stressful, tiresome life into a beautiful view of who He is and how He loves us. 

~Philipians 4:6-7
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.

Happy 9th Months Sweet Boy!

Today Harris is NINE months old. Crazy. He has been alive as long as I was pregnant and that seemed to last forever. Funny though, these 9 months have flown by. Over the last 9 months we've arrived at many milestones and each one has been bittersweet. We've said good-bye to the sweet NB size Pampers Swaddlers that are like 2 inches long and NB size clothing like his adorable blue and white Kissy Kissy outfit that he wore to his first church service. We've said farewell to sleeping with Mommy and Daddy and moved on up to the crib like a "big boy". We've left eagerly eating every two hours and have arrived at the "please eat and quit looking around at EVERYTHING" phase. We no longer play on a blanket with the same toy but we crawl EVERYWHERE to find any and everything we AREN'T supposed to play with. We said sayonara to the bald head and have landed at the mother ship of hair (to my great pleasure). Our most recent good-bye has been to nursing and although I knew it was time for us, it still hurts my heart.  


I know I can't keep him tiny forever. Why would I want to? Isn't one of the joys of motherhood seeing your children grow and learn and discover the world? Of course. BUT...it is still bittersweet. I have tried to find peace in thinking to the future and the wonderful things we have to look forward to but I know, in a way, that's foolish. We are, after all, only guaranteed today. So this has had me thinking this morning...what do I love about Harris today? This week? In this moment? 


In honor of Harris' 9 month birthday, these are 9 things I love about him...today. 


1. The way he literally begins jumping in his crib when he sees me. Eliot doesn't even do that...
2. The look of pure joy on his face when something delights him like Mickey Mouse. 
3. His look of determination while he tries to figure something out. That broom is perplexing.
4. His laughter. It simply doesn't get any better.
5. The way we cuddle and rock while he rubs his face with his bobbit (blanket)
6. His face while he rides in his wagon. The only way to describe it is that he zones out. Loves it.
7. His hugs when he first wakes up.
8. The way he plays with Emmie. I can see mischief all over his face. Poor dog...
9. The way he cuts his eyes right before he goes for the plugs or Emmie's bowl..again with the mischief..


In Proverbs 31 it is said of the "wife of noble character" that her children will rise up and call her blessed. I pray that one day Harris is able to do that. In the meantime though, I don't really need anyone to call me that. Today, I know I am.

~Psalm 118:24

        "THIS is the day the LORD has made; let us REJOICE and be GLAD in it!"

Mr. Personality

 Since Harris entered the world he has had a rather large personality. When he had colic it came out somewhat..umm..ill-tempered if you will. I never liked calling him "fussy" though because how could you use such a negative adjective to describe something so sweet? Right...? I always preferred the term "spirited". Much more upbeat. Passionate. I always knew my little boy would be full of life because I had prayed for that but about one month in I began praying that he would be full of happiness and contentment and that he would bring joy to those around him. Not that I didn't like him the way he was but... we had a LOT of this going on:

  

We are now 9 months in and praise God, Harris is so happy and at peace. Don't get me wrong, we can still throw a fit that could bring a grown man to his knees but as Herculean as his fits are, his laughter is even bigger. That enormous personality has turned into big giggles and even bigger smiles. Nothing can brighten my day like that big grin and those eyes. This kid has personality written all over his face! I praise God for a happy and healthy baby!

Winding Down the Week (Thank Goodness)

Let me begin by saying that this week has been SO long. We started off with a trip to the hospital for Mr. Harris due to what we think was an allergy to something. Since then there has been little to no sleep in the Murray home and I'll admit that with all the disruption I've been anxious and sleep-deprived. I have found myself thinking and saying this week, "I should go back to work. I would at least get a lunch break!" Obviously those were just words spoken out of frustration and without much thought but it's just been one of those weeks. 

While Eliot and I were trying to get pregnant I became overwhelmed with the thought that although that time was hard, I knew that God had me in THAT moment and in THAT trial for a reason. Of course, that reason was to bring me closer into a relationship with Him. I found myself going back to that this week. Parenthood is hard, of course, but why? 

I know it is sacrificial to be up for hours on end at night, changing out of PJs at 2 a.m. because his diaper didn't quite do its job and listening to screams that could wake the dead. It is also humbling to change a diaper only to realize I too am covered in poop, go to bed remembering that I haven't had a shower all day and basically standing on my head while singing Yankee Doodle to get him to eat his squash. There isn't much time for self-seeking pursuits...

What brings me closer to the Lord though? Learning self-abandonment and humility through child-rearing or a nap and a pedicure? Aah, OK God. Gotcha. That's why life can be so distressing these days. This isn't about Harris or Eliot or my abilities as a parent. This is about the Lord teaching me service and sacrifice and the beauty He finds in those traits. Having this assurance can get me through another day of poop, tears, spit-up and Desitin. I AM working toward something more significant. 

He'll also give me moments like this to remember the rewards of all that I do: