Let me begin by saying that this week has been SO long. We started off with a trip to the hospital for Mr. Harris due to what we think was an allergy to something. Since then there has been little to no sleep in the Murray home and I'll admit that with all the disruption I've been anxious and sleep-deprived. I have found myself thinking and saying this week, "I should go back to work. I would at least get a lunch break!" Obviously those were just words spoken out of frustration and without much thought but it's just been one of those weeks.
While Eliot and I were trying to get pregnant I became overwhelmed with the thought that although that time was hard, I knew that God had me in THAT moment and in THAT trial for a reason. Of course, that reason was to bring me closer into a relationship with Him. I found myself going back to that this week. Parenthood is hard, of course, but why?
I know it is sacrificial to be up for hours on end at night, changing out of PJs at 2 a.m. because his diaper didn't quite do its job and listening to screams that could wake the dead. It is also humbling to change a diaper only to realize I too am covered in poop, go to bed remembering that I haven't had a shower all day and basically standing on my head while singing Yankee Doodle to get him to eat his squash. There isn't much time for self-seeking pursuits...
What brings me closer to the Lord though? Learning self-abandonment and humility through child-rearing or a nap and a pedicure? Aah, OK God. Gotcha. That's why life can be so distressing these days. This isn't about Harris or Eliot or my abilities as a parent. This is about the Lord teaching me service and sacrifice and the beauty He finds in those traits. Having this assurance can get me through another day of poop, tears, spit-up and Desitin. I AM working toward something more significant.
He'll also give me moments like this to remember the rewards of all that I do:
Excellent thoughts, friend! See, you DO need a blog. :) Love ya.
ReplyDeleteAshley, I just love this!! You need to be able to record your feelings and thoughts. I just want you to know how much I love and admire you. You have given up a career, an income and a lunch hour for the hardest job in the world - being a fulltime mommy.I so enjoy watching you do your job so graciously. The love you show Harris and Eliot is the epitomy of Proverbs 31. The only thing sweeter than watching you is watching Harris with that sweet face and those breathtaking blue eyes looking up at you - the center of his world.
ReplyDeleteThank you for being you!! I love you!
ReplyDeleteyay! You have a new follower!
ReplyDeleteThis is true, and something I should keep in mind. :) Thanks!
ReplyDeleteLove from,
Jamie and the boys :)
I didn't think that there would be any greater blessing thatn having being blessed with you, my beautiful daughter, in September of 1983...well I was wrong...watching you over the past 9 months with your beautiful, precious baby boy, has taken the blessing to an all new level! You are exactly what God expects...a Christian example, loving, suppoprtive wife, amazing Mommy, selfless friend and wonderful Daughter! You and Eliot turned it over to God and HE blessed you with our precious Harris, he guided you and followed HIM just where HE lead you...I love you, my beautiful Daughter!
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